"How much land does a man need?"

I am a typical materialist who gets adrenaline rush from shopping. I get drawn towards shop signs showing "SALE" like a moth to the flame and can't resist bargain hunts. As i am getting ready to relocate to a different country, I am now having to pick and choose what i need out of the mountainous mess inside my cupboard. The experience of downsizing a disorganized shopaholic's closet can be extremely stressful. Things just get piled up and seldom get thrown away. I wish I lived light, had fewer items and stopped acquiring. At the same breath that I make this wish, I also know that I won’t be able to resist the next beautiful bag I come across or the temptation of a shopping trip to Kolkata or Bangkok :-)

Few days back, I was quite inspired by an article published in the New York Times. Tommy Strobel, 31, former project manager for an investment management firm in California used to own a two bedroom condo, two cars and the usual closet full of stuff. She was on the  “work-spend treadmill”, the article writes. But one day she “stepped off the treadmill”.  Inspired by books and blog entries about living simply, Strobel and her husband, Logan Smith began donating their belongings to charity and tried living with 100 personal belongings. They sold off the condo, cars and even the TV.  After three years, they now live at a 400-square-foot apartment, ride cycles, own four plates, three pairs of shoes and two pots. Here’s a link to the article: http://tiny.cc/iclzq. Tammy writes a blog about her experience: http://rowdykittens.com/ and has also written books titled "Simply Care-free" and "Smalltopia". “Imagine what the world would look like if we pursued our dreams rather than more stuff. Pursue happiness and not more stuff” she writes on her blog.

While their story inspired me, I never got to practice the minimalistic lifestyle.Some day, may be. I am not ready yet to give up the temptations! One thing I have started doing though, whenever I travel, instead of collecting souvenirs or memorabilia of that place, I now try to gather experiences. I didn't get a mini Eiffel tower or a Monalisa merchandise from Paris, rather walked around & photographed the Parisians. I still cherish memories from that lazy afternoon/evening walk as one of my most treasured possessions and they make me happier than any material souvenir could. 

A concurrent thought about "how much is enough" occurred when i was comparing two contestants of the quiz show Kaun Banega Crorepati (who wants to be a millionaire). On one hand there was Prashant Batar, who was the first person on this year’s show to win and then loose 1 crore rupee. After winning 1 crore, he played a gamble, went for the 5 crore rupee jack pot question and ended up going home with only 3.2 lacs as he answered incorrectly. He could have safely skipped the show with  1 crore, but he went ahead and took the risk. Prashant is a share broker from UP.

On the other hand, there was Jyoti Chauhan from Rajasthan who is a constable. From the very first question, her nervousness was showing and a video clipping on her life revealed why. She earns 4000 rupees a month and has a loan to pay off. “I just want 2 lacs to pay off my loan” she says, "and if possible, some more for the operation of my daughter. just 2 or 3 lacs would be enough”. Notice how she didn't say - the more the better! She knew exactly how much she wanted and how much would be enough. During the quiz, she took help of the lifelines even though she knew some of the answers. That limited her opportunity of rising to a higher level and ultimately she went home with 12 lacs. "I don't want to risk it. How can I risk it?" she kept on stressing when the host asked her about why she used up all her lifelines so early in the game. "When you live in hardship, every rupee helps. Whatever amount I win today is going to come into use" she said.

I won't judge here whether Prashant was right or wrong to gamble with 1 crore rupees, as I would surely be biased and comment based on what I would have done if I were in his shoes. I was just looking at these two people, their decision making patterns and thinking how differently we define "enough". Does it depend on social strata? responsibilities? personalities? or is it based on how small or big our dreams are? Their stories reminded me of Leo Tolstoy's "How much land does a man need?". 

We are always taught to dream big. aspiration and  ambition are revered. "sky is the limit" has been ingrained in our value system. but does it also make us a bit restless as we race and forget to draw the finishing line? 

I love the Tata Safari advertisement titled "Reclaim your life". The ad starts with a guy perched inside a tent hanging from a cliff. What follow are breathtaking shots of snow-capped mountains, beaches, gushing rivers and such, interspersed with the following captions – “If you looked back on your life, what would you remember ? The corner office? The corporate power plays? The VIP lounge? What would you remember? Life goes by before you know it. Can you feel it pass you by?”

Endearing words! here's  the ad:


                                    

Life and death

I have been visiting the hospital to see an ailing grandmother, she is 85 and in pain. Last night, went inside the ICU at PG Hospital to see if they have any bed available for her. I am frightened by any hospital experience and tried to keep my eyes tightly glued to the floor so that i don't, even accidentally, look at the patients. We were speaking to the Duty Doctor and i caught a glimpse of one patient - unconscious, with oxygen tubes, bandaged. I closed my eyes as fast as i could. Another patient had just come in. Could not help hearing the murmur - that it might be too late, which nurse was available to look at the patient at  bed number 5, shuffling of prescriptions, frantic phone calls.

I did not know how to feel being in the room which marks the boundary of life and death. Urgent, important, critical, deadline - all these words take a different meaning inside the ICU or become meaningless. I felt, sometimes we use the expression "life and death" too lightly in everyday life and my intention here is not to undermine the intensity of the feeling when we say "why didn't you rather kill me" or "i wish i were dead". 

I just felt numb looking at the literal meaning of life and death inside the ICU. At that moment, life meant being able to walk, breathe, talk, smile, do, hold, touch, sit on the grass out in the open - all the simple verbs.

Joy of reading & "The reluctant fundamentalist"

I enjoy getting lost in a book and coming under its spell. A good book is like a wonderful journey through the woods, through unknown but irresistible paths, which makes me feel calm and upbeat at the same time as i explore the pages and savor the experience of being absorbed. Finding a good book is like finding a treasure.I end up with a satisfied, joyous feeling of discovery, a feeling that i have found something which i can come back to again and again.A good book emotionally hijacks me from the real world and i enjoy being a captive to a master story teller!

I enjoyed reading Mohsin Hamid's "The reluctant fundamentalist". I wasn't aware of the writer, i wasn't aware of the book. I think i read the back cover at an airport bookshop and picked it up more than two years ago. But i forgot all about it and only started reading yesterday. It's not a heavy book, 184 pages. The cover says it was shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize 2007. Somehow when i see a book has been nominated for an award, i get prejudiced thinking that the subject matter might be too complex and the writing might be too serious for my liking. So i have not read God of Small Things or the Jhumpa Lahiri book [can't remember the exact title] The interpreter of maladies.

Coming back to "The reluctant fundamentalist": i found the narration and the style of story telling delicious like a cheese cake which i like to devour slowly, spoon by spoon. Not haste it, as i don't want the taste to fade away or the cake to finish too soon. Does the metaphor sound too cheesy? I mean i enjoyed reading it at slow pace, getting absorbed in the pages. Do i sound snob when i say Mohsin Hamid's English is much more fluid and free flowing and engaging than Chetan Bhagat's?

The story is a monologue of a Pakistani, a Princeton graduate and former high flying corporate executive, who left the American dream after 9/11 and came back to Lahore. He narrates his journey back home and back to his roots to an unnamed, unidentified American  sitting opposite  him at a roadside restaurant in Lahore. I liked reading the book, as it felt like Changez, the narrator, let me in into the conversation. As if i was sitting right next to him, when he was narrating the story.

Mohsin Hamid has a way with  words, he can make up poetic, beautiful expressions. It always amazes me how a good writer can conjure up a beautiful expression with simple, known words. Like a magician...something beautiful emerges from the pages. A good writer takes all the words we know and then comes up with an expression which is surprisingly new, refreshing, unexpected- the whole ends up being greater than the some of its parts. And i have an envious admiration for that kind of power and ability. I feel a good story teller can play with words and form clouds of thoughts for me to get lost. Like when Mohsin Hamid writes: " Status, as in any traditional, class-conscious society, declines more slowly than wealth" or " it leaves space for your thoughts to echo". 

That is exactly why i liked reading this book. It touched me with a sense of familiarity with expressions i could relate to and also as Erica, whom you will get to know if you read the book, says: "left space for my thoughts to echo". 

Book review: "The 3 mistakes of my life"

After watching " 3 idiots" i was looking forward to read Chetan Bhagat's books. The movie is based on Chetan's "Five point someone". So i picked up his third book " The 3 mistakes of my life" with great expectations. It's got all the ingredients to resonate with indian readers: cricket, religion, racial violence, pinch of patriotism, young romance. Chetan plays himself in the book, a writer cum investment banker based in Singapore.

The story starts well... Chetan gets an anonymous email from one of his readers saying he's going to commit suicide: "I am an ordinary boy in Ahmedabad who read your books. I can't really tell anyone what i am doing to myself - which is taking a sleeping pill every time i end a sentence - so i thought i would tell you...." Chetan manages to track down Govind Patel, who wrote the email, at an hospital in Ahmedabad and flies down to India to meet him. The rest of the book is in Govind's narration about his two friends Ishan and Omi, their sports shop " Team India", Ishan's sister Vidya, a young muslim cricket protege Ali and of course, the 3 mistakes of Govind's life.

I am not a book critic and my views are merely of an ordinary reader. I did not find the book gripping except for few brilliant passages here and there. It seemed to be a concoction of too many things, trying to connect all possible aspects of modern India in one story. The writing style isn't free flowing and seamless, rather like a montage of incidents.

Like "Five point someone" this book too is soon going to be a movie and i think, with the right actors, it'll make a better movie than a book. Chetan's writing seemed more apt for a screen play, than a book.So i am probably not picking up another Chetan Bhagat book, rather i will stick to watching the movie adaptation of his stories.

Backpacking as a 30+

I did my first backpacking when i was already 30+. As they say, better late than never. I know most westerners do their round of backpacking across europe/asia in their 20s. they save up from their summer jobs, take a study break and venture out into the world before taking the big leap as professionals.

When i travel now and see students out to explore the world for a month, sometimes for longer...i feel a sharp pang of jealousy. As a bangladeshi student, i haven't seen anyone i know enjoying that 'luxury' of footloose travel. we are paranoid about even a fortnight of unemployment and for valid reasons. What would i have written in my resume? "backpacked in india, met thousands of new people and gained a lifetime experience" unfortunately would not have counted for much to get me ahead in the corporate race. I could not dare to take that risk and very simply, could not afford :-) my starting salary in 2001 was 10,000 taka and if i hadn't had my home car for drop and pick up, i would have ended up spending the entire salary on taxi fare. So around the world in 80 days remained a dream for me, a mirage to chase, while i was busy securing a place in the job market.

couple of other things stops us from traveling. our families would get a scare if we announce after graduation: "hey i don't want to join the job market just yet; i want to take it easy in life and discover my passion". I can see the daggers of practicality and realism taking down even the very thought of irresponsible bohemianism. We are all groomed to follow a certain path. The boxes of the tic-tac-toe of our lives are already defined and it's unimaginable to step out of the squares. the winning formula of success and happiness is predefined by social expectations. This is why our generation relates so spontaneously to the movie 3 idiots and the song "give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give me another chance, i wanna grow up once again"!

second concern is security. i haven't seen most of my country yet. but my sense of security and self consciousness stop me. i would be dead scared to travel anywhere in bangladesh alone as a female traveler. so in my 20s, i stayed safe and followed the usual route of study-graduate-work. i missed the opportunity to travel when i was studying in UK in 2006-7 for a year. life long habit dies hard. i was homesick, scared, not adventurous and let it pass.

but now, i grab every opportunity of traveling that comes my way. i have backpacked in europe on my own and happy to be finally living the dream. backpacking gives me a refreshing feeling of having no strings attached. by strings i mean - a highly regimented itinerary and carrying the load of heavy luggage. i can stay anywhere - a youth hostel or a bread and breakfast -and am not constrained by predefined itinerary or hotel reservations. i have everything i need in the backpack and can move anytime i want. it gives an amazing sense of freedom and mobility. when i backpack, i also realize how little i can do with. everything has to be counted, every item of cloth, every gram of weight and it's a good experience to be able to survive with the bare minimum. it also puts a natural stop to my shopping urges - as i simply don't have any space to accommodate the extra baggage :-) so when on a tight budget, backpacking is highly recommended.

it's not everyone's cup of tea, as the living and travel arrangements are not often perfect. i have seen people sneer at the idea of staying at a hostel or a shared dormitory. some might say it does not go with my social standing or my age. backpacking means you are not always the most fashionably dressed. being unkempt, spending weeks in just one pair of shoe and no shopping - does not sound appealing. but i enjoy the lightness, the no hassle packing, the mobility and the sense of freedom that comes with it. try it! it can be addictive!

Speechless

I came across the following news and did not know how to react. Speechless. Is this true?

Iraqi woman had 80 women raped to recruit suicide bombers

"Samira Ahmed Jassim, suspected of recruiting more than 80 female suicide bombers has confessed to organising their rapes so she could later convince them that martyrdom was the only way to escape the shame. Samira Jassim, 51, was arrested by Iraqi police and confessed to recruiting the women and orchestrating dozens of attacks." "shamed" rape victims are alleged to have been persuaded to "redeem themselves through suicide attacks"

AFP, Feb 4, 2009

What's your travel persona?

Freakishly organized or carefree and footloose – what’s your travel style? I am more of the organized type. I feel comfortable when i have a clear picture from A to B down to the last detail. For me the fun of a trip starts with planning. I research months ahead, read up everything i can about the place on the Internet, visit travel sites and post questions in the online travel forums. By the time I reach my destination, I usually have a good idea of what I want to visit and when and how. Doesn’t sound much fun, does it? As if I am preparing for an official tour and have detail itinerary prepared. Isn’t the whole idea of vacation is to get away from schedules and routines? aren't holidays supposed to be blissful days when the alarm isn't permitted to disrupt my precious sleep?

I don't think there's one perfect travel style that fits everyone and there's no need to look for it either. Whatever makes you happy, whatever works for you - is the best one. Most important is to know what you want. Are you the tourist type and like seeing famous landmarks and maximizing your time in a place? Or are you happy to take it slow, get a feel for the culture and ambiance and content to just walk around without a definite aim? Know your travel persona and go ahead ...i am about to write plan :-)...can't get away from my organized type so easily, can i?

This is what i do: i do a google and read up on the place, see what lonely plant has to say, visit Virtual Tourist which has an excellent travel forum where real travelers answer your queries. i make a list of things i want to do and places i want to see. Frommer's is an excellent resource and give suggested itineraries for 1/2/3 day's travel. This works well for me when i have no more than 2/3 days in a place. This way, i can get going the moment i arrive and don't have to scramble around for information.

The most important decisions during a travel are usually where you'll stay and how to get from once place to another. I do my travel planning on my own. Internet is a great savior for lone travelers. You can read reviews, get directions and exactly know how much time and money it will cost you to get there. Throw a question in the travel forums and know from people who have actually stayed in the hotel you are eyeing for.


Based on my budget, i search on Trip Advisor or Hostel World and try to make a short list of suitable places to stay. in Europe, it's usually handy to stay near the Central Train Station, firstly because it cuts down travel time and secondly, it's easier to carry the luggage if the hotel is just around the corner. It's also safer if you arrive from a tour late night and are traveling alone.

Now for transport. It's much cheaper if you can book ahead and online. But if you have online transaction restrictions as we do in Bangladesh, at least have an idea of which train or plane to take. In Europe, it's often cheaper to travel by budget airlines than by train. See if your point of origin is the base for any low cost airline. This website gives a list of low cost airlines operating in europe.

Train has its advantage though.It travels from point to point and you don't need to worry about airport transfer and getting to the city, as the Central Stations in Europe would mostly be inside or within walking distance to the city centre.   

European cities have day passes for unlimited travel in tram/bus/metro. Again i take help from the travel forums and ask people for the best way to get around. The subway system can be confusing and complicated for first time visitors. In London and Paris, the city authorities have wonderful websites that give you exact directions of which train to take to reach your destination. Check out these websites: Paris Metro and Train Route Planner and London Journey Planner. Before i visited Paris, i downloaded the Paris Metro Map and noted down the name of the metro stations near places i wanted to see. It's useful to know the zone you are staying and the zones you will be visiting, as the ticket prices would depend on that.

Just realized i have digressed from the topic i was discussing and have gone into how to organize a tour :-) So coming back to different travel personas....when i look back at the trips i have been on, i realize my  most memorable moments are not from visiting the famous sites, but from simple pleasures...a leisurely walk, taking pictures, an idle lunch at a cafe, reading a book sitting beside a lake, striking up conversation with a local for fellow tourists...moments when i stopped looking at the watch and took time for myself were the most enjoyable and fulfilling.

During my Europe tour that covered Rome, Venice, Vienna, Slovenia...all these big names bowed down to Villach, a small village in Austria-Italy border, where i had the most wonderful time. Villach was a surprise find and not on my original agenda. I stopped at Villach on my way to Slovenia, took a walk around and decided to spend the night. Similarly in Paris, it's not visiting the Eiffel tower that I fondly look back, my precious memories are from the four hour walk around the Eiffel Tower, the parks, the Seine river, taking photographs- when i took time to sip in the aura of Paris.

It's important to remember you are not traveling for anyone else, but for yourself! doing things just to put a tick mark, looking for only  the mandatory photo opportunity with the landmarks and visiting places which people consider as 'must sees' might end up boring you. make your own list. don't visit a museum if you aren't really an art buff. don't have to see the monalisa for ten seconds just to answer yes to the obligatory questions from people who've heard you've been to Paris and the Louvre. why visit Stratford-upon-Avon in England or the Anne Frank's house in Amsterdam if Shakespeare, literature or history don't attract you much? I have learnt my lessons. I visited the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam, but being an art ignorant, it really didn't mean much to me and I probably should have done something i enjoy. Similarly the Porsche museum in Stuttgart, Germany was completely wasted on me. So go through the 'must see' list but treat it as a buffet and pick and choose as per your own liking and travel style.

My new found love for Krishnachura

Might sound strange, but i noticed how beautiful Dhaka looks with Krishnachura blossoms only last year! so many years of living and growing up in the city and i never noticed how beautifully the orange umbrellas of Krishnachura trees in full bloom adorn the city in spring and summer. was reading in wiki that Krishnachura's origin is in  Madagascar. how did the flamboyant 'flame tree' get to Bangladesh? where did the first Krishnachura bloom? how did the red-orange flame spread to the entire country? Found this lovely poem by Amitava Chakrabarty on the net:

"Krishnachura tree,
With spring it gets drenched in blood
Of spring's love-lorn heart
On it the lonely cuckoo croons,
Resonating untold wounds"

Shuprobhat, Shuvo Shokal

I am not an early riser, but the days i wake up or am forced to wake up early, i love the mornings. the breath of fresh air, soft golden hue, changing colour of the clouds, chirping birds ...life seems beautiful, simple and refreshing in morning. i enjoy the quietness, the serenity of looking out to a still drowsy city. as if the soft rays pass through my skin and warm me up from inside with bubbles of happiness. the nightmares of yesternight seem history, the optimism of a new day fills up my heart.

Whose poems/songs portray the most poetic dawns? Jibananda Das? When he writes: “Kochi lebu-patar moto norom sobuj aloe prithibi bhore gieche ai bhorer bela”

music to my ears, treat to my soul

it's been a musical morning for me. sunday mornings are always a bit difficult to concentrate at work. i have been immersing myself in all my favourite tunes...rabeendra sangeet by arnob. lalon geeti. going to youtube and listening to one song after another...aahh ..they make my soul as light as feather. as if my soul floats in the "Shurer Dhara". what would be a good translation? the symphony in the ether?

wish we could bring all religious fanatics, fundamentalists, racists in one room and make them chant this Lalon geeti as a soul purifying ( as opposed to brain washing) exercise.

jat gelo jat gelo bole
eki ajab karkhana
shotto pothe keu noy raji
shob dekhi ta na na na

jokhon tumi bhobe ele
tokhon tumi ki jat sile?
ki jaat hoba jabar kale
shei kotha keno bolona

brahman chondal kamar muchi
ek jolei shokoler shuchi
dekhe shune hoyna ruchi
jome to kauke charbena

gopone je beshhar bhat khay
tar jater bolo ki hoy?
lalon bole jat kare koy
ei bhrom to gelona

Child Brides

[ This is more of collating information than blogging. I read a story on Times & then dug out few more]

Her name is Reem Al Numery. 14 years old. More than half of my age. She is from Yemen and was married in 2008 when she was 12, to her 30 year old cousin. I stumbled upon her story in Time's "the 100 most influential people in the world". She is a child rights activist who had the courage to defy her father and filed for a divorce after being raped and tortured by the man she was married to. She now lives with her mother. Her divorce has not been granted by the Yemeni court, as she needs her father's consent as a minor and has to wait till she is 15 to file for her divorce. Her father has threatened to kill her for damaging the family reputation. In 2008, she was awarded the "Women of Courage" award by US State Department.

Nujood Mohammed Ali is 12 years old. She was married when she was nine and at ten, Nujood became Yemen's first child bride to legally end her marriage.

Three months into her marriage, she ran away from home,went to a courthouse on her own and waited till she could meet a judge and said he wants a divorce. Why? "I hate the nights" she told her lawyer. "I wanted to protect myself," she says, "and other girls like me."

Her "father", a former street sweeper and now a beggar, has 16 children, two wives, and no job. One of Nujood’s sisters had been raped, another kidnapped and the father said the marriage was to save Nujood from a similar fate. "When her father heard the kidnapper was eyeing Nujood, he thought marriage would save her."

She has co-authored a book with a french author titled "I am Nujood, aged 10 and divorced" and has joined school in Sana, Yemen's capital. She now supports her family with the royalties from her book and her family treats her with respect as she is the main bread earner.

Eight year old denied divorce by Saudi court

A court in Oneiza in central Saudi Arabia has dismissed a divorce petition by the mother of an eight-year-old girl whose father married her off to his friend, a man in his 50s, as a debt settlement.Newspaper reports said the court argued that the mother did not have the right to file such a case on behalf of her daughter and said that the petition should be filed by the girl when she reaches puberty.

Facts & figures

• Yemen has one of the world’s lowest rankings for gender equality, according to the United Nations.
• Poverty often leads to child marriage since a typical Yemeni earns about $900 a year, and marrying off girls means fewer mouths to feed.
• Yemeni law allows girls of any age to wed, but it forbids sex with them until the indefinite time they’re “suitable for sexual intercourse.” 
• The average age of marriage in Yemen’s rural areas is 12 to 13, a recent study by Sana University researchers found.
• Yemen has one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the world.
• Child marriage is deeply rooted in local custom here, and even enshrined in an old tribal expression: “Give me a girl of 8, and I can give you a guarantee for a good marriage"
• Yemen once set 15 as the minimum age for marriage, but parliament annulled that law in the 1990s, saying parents should decide when a daughter marries. A February 2009 law set the minimum age for marriage at 17, but it was repealed and sent back to parliament's constitutional committee for review after some lawmakers called it un-Islamic.
• Sheikh Abdul-Aziz Al Sheikh, Saudi Arab's grand mufti, told Al Hayat newspaper that those saying ten or 12-year-old girls are too young to marry are being 'unfair' to them. He thinks, if girls receive proper upbringing by the family, age is not an issue to uphold the family and marital responsibilities

My views

I was appalled by the stories i read on the Internet. I don't want to read Nujood's book. I am scared that her experience might haunt me with nightmares. I don't have the courage to think and read about what she might have gone through.


Are these propaganda by western media to show how "backward and barbaric" the middle east and Muslims are to justify their war? i asked myself. One reader commented on the Glamour story on Nujood that " how can she prove rape as there was no witnesses. Law requires 4 witnesses to prove rape. why is it ok for western teenagers to get boyfriends and experiment and get pregnant?" Damn the westerners he said for trying to demean the culture and religion of a region to further their selfish interest. "We must uphold our culture" he feels.

I am not a religious authority or a cultural activist. I cannot comment on whether it's the West's ill motives. But hey, shouldn't Human Rights be above all religious and cultural distinctions? Isn't Human Rights universal?Aren't we all born as human beings and then given our religious and cultural identities based on which family we are born into and where we are born?

Treating a daughter as a property for debt settlement, forcing a child to marry, denying her the legal right to even ask for a divorce - i do not believe that the God who has created us all, the God who is the source of all things beautiful, would support any of these.

Sources & more information

• Glamour Magazine (http://www.glamour.com/women-of-the-year/2008/nujood-ali-and-shada-nasser)
• Divorced Before Puberty, By Nicholas D. Kristof (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/04/opinion/04kristof.html)
• BBC News (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8026545.stm)
• The Daily Mail ( http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1115624/Its-injustice-NOT-marry-girls-aged-10-says-Saudi-cleric.html#ixzz0nJh2VeLL)
• huffingtonpost (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/22/top-yemeni-clerics-attack_n_508845.html)

I was pleasantly surprised to read this positive comment about Bangladesh in the New York Times article: "Consider Bangladesh. After it split off from Pakistan, Bangladesh began to educate girls in a way that Pakistan has never done. The educated women staffed an emerging garment industry and civil society, and those educated women are one reason Bangladesh is today far more stable than Pakistan."

At least, the legal age of marriage in Bangladesh is 18 and rights of a child is acknowledged on paper. However as Pathfinder reports, because there is no birth registration system, compliance with the law is negligible. The median age of marriage for women currently 20-49 years old in Bangladesh is 14.8 years.

Chaprash

Chaprash by Budhodeb Guha is one of my favourite books. I have read it countless times and like going back to it every now and then. Charan Chaterjee, a successful lawyer from Calcutta embarks on a pilgrimage in the Himalayas to search for the meaning of life and to find an answer to his growing restlessness with the worldly life. A religious skeptic at the beginning, Charan's views towards Hinduism is transformed as he comes into contact with wise sages in the Himalayas, touched by the depth of their knowledge and wisdom. The book is deeply philosophical and questions the value of devoting our lives to worldly pleasures like accumulating wealth, running after careers etc.

Why you should read the book

• For the romantic, idealized portrayal of the beauty of nature and people in the Himalayas
• For the philosophical treasure trove hidden inside the prose. E.g. "Money is just a piece of paper.Money does not mean anything in itself. It's what you do with the money that is important". "We live by the calendar, we die by the calendar. When will we be free from this habit of living by the calendar and alarm clocks?"
• For the characters who you would want to believe in and would want to meet

What disturbs me about the book
The book portrays sages who can perform miracles, read minds and vanish in thin air. Their knowledge knows no bounds, they are highly educated and can speak in more than one language including German and English. This can be a dangerous propaganda in the hands of a blind religious supporter and reinforce religious superstitions. The idealized portrayal of sages is disturbing to me when we are faced with controversies related to religious figures like priests, gurus and moulanas. I was reading an interview of Dalai Lama where he says that he has undergone an gallstone operation and this should prove that "The Dalai Lama cannot perform any miracle". "I am a simple Buddhist monk" the Dalai Lama would often quote. Chaprash is an anti-thesis to this pragmatic religious view, portraying the magical world of sages and their super powers.

Portrayal of women in hindi soap operas

This is "Choti Bohu" (Youngest Daughter-in-law), Zee Tv's popular daily soap opera with one of the highest TRP ratings. Yes i watch it. Not a fanatic fan, but a more or less regular viewer. Everyday between monday-to-friday from 6 to 9 p.m. the characters of Choti bahu, 12/24 Carol Bagh, Agli Janaam May Mujhe Bitia Kijo (Reincarnate me as a daughter), Pavita Rishta (Pure relationship)keep me entertained and amused. I will use Choti Bohu as an example and try to identify the roles women play in general in Hindi TV serials:

The main character:Beti, Bohu or Bhabi

Pious, pretty and in pain, they are the victims of endless conspiracies by evil family members and social injustice. They are daughters,daughter-in-laws and sister-in-laws.

Main characteristics: religious, homely, family centric, obedient, well mannered, gentle i.e. symbol of all noble virtues, purity and innocence. Aim in life: bring an heir to the family and uphold the family reputation. Daily life: adorning herself in glitzy Saree, full make up and jewellery even in the most mundane moments, performing ceaseless religious rituals,cooking and serving the family, occasionally shopping, expressing love and admiration for the family members, saving the family from all kinds of trouble

Information about educational background: not relevant
Information about professional aspiration: not relevant

The mother

The mothers are symbol of affection and care and subdued to the dominant father figures. Their aim in life is to teach their daughters good manners, bring them up as ideal brides and get them married to good families. After daughter’s marriage the sole focus of a mother's life is to sustain the daughters’ happy married life and share the trials and tribulations in the daughter's life by praying to the deities. They too are fortunate to wear gorgeous sarees and jewelry even when they are mourning. They are portrayed as helpless, tearful and submit to prayers and religious rituals to solve every problem that comes their way!

Information about educational background: not relevant

Information about professional aspiration: not relevant

The Cruella Devil

The evil member of the family whose sole aim in life is to destroy the peace and happiness of the main character. They are usually the “modern” female version, completely oblivious to family traditions and religious rituals. They have “modern”, scantily dressed friends, are party buffs and are seen to be busy with their phones when the family is deliberating on a crucial matter. Their favourite pastime is conspiring against the innocent main character. They are amazingly patient, self-motivated and persistent and carry out one twisted plan after another, even through the invisible hand of the deities always favour the innocent Beti, Bahu or Bhabi. Motto: never say die! Identification mark: the crooked smile, raised eye brows and smirk!

Information about educational background: not relevant
Information about professional aspiration: not relevant

The good elderly grandmother

They have dedicated their life and soul to the family.They are mostly widows and are dressed in white.They are revered by the family members and have the last word in family matters. They are the walking and talking reference for all religious and social norms.

Information about educational background: not relevant. Information about professional aspiration: not relevant

The bad elderly grandmother

They are the evil mother in laws or grandmothers, the queens of all conspiracies, trying to make the innocent main character's life a living hell!

Information about educational background: not relevant. Information about professional aspiration: not relevant

The comic relief

The dumb member of the family who is the source of fun for her silly comments, awkwardness and social gaffe. They are usually jovial and do not take the harsh comments to heart.

Information about educational background: not relevant. Information about professional aspiration: not relevant

 

The society:neighbours and relatives

They are usually seen at the background, voicing their disagreements when a social norm is violated.

Information about educational background: not relevant. Information about professional aspiration: not relevant

The rare working women

They are usually seen for fleeting seconds and not given much airtime. 

It’s sad that strong, independent female characters rarely receive any airtime in Hindi soaps and they are only seen in historical, period dramas like the Jhansi ki Rani!

Out of all these roles, where do we, the educated working class women fit? The sole purpose of female existence according to these Hindi soap operas is to adhere to religious rituals, conform to the social norms, get married and bring an heir to the family. No information is provided about their educational qualifications. Men are the sole bread earners and womens' duty is to look pretty and stay obedient. They never step outside the boundaries of home, they never have to earn for living.

I first thought about using the following title for this blog - "Stone age portrayal of women" but decided against it, as may be even in the stone age, women were viewed more pragmatically than are shown in the run-of-the-mill hindi serials. Why do i watch them if i am so critical of them? I watch them as they fill up my time when i am bored and i watch for the comic entertainment value of how absurdly a women can be portrayed.

I worry about the influence these serials might have on kids who are now growing up watching their moms sympathizing with the characters and the long term psychological handicap they can instill in girls. I am not against watching these serials, i am against taking them as true or ideal portrayal of society. I am against considering the characters portrayed here as role models of how a good daughter or daughter-in-law should be.

I just hope the viewers and specially the children of the viewers realize the limited portrayal of human potential in these soap operas and never, never think that this is how it should be! I don't want girls to think that this is who they have to grow up to be! don't want the Choti Bohu's multiplying in number in real life. I want girls to be educated, independent, earning, contributing and value-adding member in the society and  not as a showpiece and/or source of pity.

Traveling solo can be fun

Traveling solo is not just about woes and worries. i do enjoy the freedom that comes with it. here's why you shouldn't shy away from planning a trip on your own:

it's a wonderful and liberating feeling to be absolutely on my own. specially in asian societies, when we live with families, there's hardly any time or space for ourselves. plus there are social expectations as to how i should dress, talk, behave! when i am traveling alone, i can let go of all inhibitions and expectations, do things i would not have done in my home country. the sense of absolute freedom is sweet!

it's easy to get lost in the crowd and knowing the people i meet does not know me and probably won't remember me after that day, i can be whoever i want to be. being anonymous and incognito is fun.

it gives me a sense of satisfaction when i have organized and successfully completed a trip on my own. i give myself mental kudos for finding out great deals, a nice spot or figuring out how to go about in a new city. it's a great confidence booster for me. and with each trip, i feel more confident.

i travel on a tight budget and being on my own lets me make the choices and decisions regarding food, accommodation, travel mode etc. i don't have to feel embarrassed or hesitant before choosing a place, as i have only myself to please.

i can set my own itinerary and adjust the agenda to my liking and strength. it's difficult to come across people with identical taste and liking. as i have limited time and resource, i want to make the most of every moment. being alone means: i get to choose what to visit, no waiting time, wake up as early or as late as i like. i am a slow walker and being on a group tour thus is extremely stressful for me both physically and mentally. i struggle to keep pace. i love when i can travel on my own pace. take rest and breathers as frequently as i want to.

last year i took a coach tour in europe and decided never to do it again. we were a group of around 27 people and although a large group meant i wasn't lonely, i felt i missed out a lot of good things as well. being in a group means i have to be a typical tourist. running to make the itinerary set by the tour guide. of course this is just one bad experience. i am sure there are loads of great tours out there which you can customize. but i felt i am better left alone. let me set my own agenda and make my own way.

i think traveling alone has made me more open and independent. i can strike conversation with strangers and bring back loads of stories to share at home. can't wait for my next trip!

Traveling Solo

"Jodi tor daak shune keu na ashetobe ekla cholo re"
i am fortunate to be traveling around for my work and to make the most of the opportunity, i often tag a holiday either before or after my official tour. people often ask me "do you like traveling alone?" or comment " you are very courageous". well am i? people who know me would say, nope, i don't come across as an adventurous type. given an option, i of course would love to travel with a friend or family. sharing is what makes it fun.

when i see a beautiful place or experience something unique, there is always a feeling of incompleteness unless i share the moment with someone. but i don't want to regret not seeing a new place or country ten years down the line. i regret not traveling while i was studying in UK and i don't want to look back someday and feel the same again. one of my favourite quotes from mark twain goes like this: "twenty years down the line, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than the things you did do".

so quite simply, i don't want to miss things i didn't do! yes there are those sad/lonely/helpless moments ...when i feel absolutely wretched and curse myself for making the trip on my own. but these are few and far between and momentary. i regain my enthusiam in no time and i would say enjoy the travel almost 98% of the time. so what's the 2%? here's what i don't enjoy about traveling solo:

Logistics: i am the laziest person you would come across and i want everything taken care of for me and served on a silver platter! going solo, i need to do everything ...the tickets and visas and planning and booking. the load of getting logistics in place gets overwhelming and i start contemplating even before leaving home: is the stress really worth it?

the Cinderella factor: call me paranoid, but when i am on my own in a foreign land full of strangers (!), my panic buttons are on high alert and i almost always return to my hotel/hostel before sunset. in moments like this, i wish i did not have to worry about getting back alone in the dark. specially paris, the city of lights, really comes alive at night. i heard rome is also breathtaking by night. i have been to both places, but sadly came back before the sunset.

the loneliness bug: i am a frequent victim of the loneliness bug. i see friends laughing, couples walking together holding hands,families having a great time and i miss being with someone at that precise moment to share the joy. i think traveling alone takes away half the fun of exploration. i remember in venice, i was tired walking within two hours and came back to the hotel. venice can't be fully explored even in weeks and i spent so little time there. only because i was feeling lonely and did not feel like exploring and experiencing on my own. homesickness: i have almost got over this one, but not fully. specially if i am at a tight spot with logistics, i miss home. the food, the comfort, the safety, the pamper. meeting a bangladeshi and speaking in bangla thus bring a special kind of warmth when i am abroad.

carrying luggage: on holidays, i am usually on public transport as taxis are out of reach. dragging overweight suitcase in trains/buses and then making the journey to the hotel on foot end up being a traumatic experience for me.