The
Poet started painting when he was 60 years old. He says, ‘painting is
liberating’. I don’t remember his exact words, but he says how completely he
enjoys the time he ‘wastes’ to paint, as his strokes are free from the burden of striving
for recognition. He could lift the brushes without feeling the burden of living
up to the reputation of “THE Rabindranath Tagore”. He says every word he writes
would be analyzed and dissected and its quality examined for whether it’s
befitting for a Nobel Laureate, whereas he can paint as a free man.
I
loved the thought! I am sure it would resonate with anyone who has been through
the exhausting cycle of living up to expectations, be it personally or
professionally, be it to the world or to ourselves. With study, work, life
style…we put ourselves through quality controls everywhere. There’s always some benchmark to achieve. If people don’t define it for us, we do. Do you give yourself room enough to waste time? Have you been able to find the pursuit of only happiness, without a string of success attached? For me, it’s photography. I know I am not a good photographer and I am trying very hard not to feel the pressure of trying to be one. Danger is, we are groomed in such a way that we crave for admiration in whatever we do. Now to be liked and to wow people through my photographs, I need to go through some sort of learning mechanism, either train myself or get schooling, try to improve the quality of my technique, style, ideas…do you see how the temptation of comparison and competition can grip us even when we are doing something for fun?
I am scared of it! I want to learn photography, but I am scared how my sense of competition would overshadow the joy of ‘wasting time’! When I look at great photographers I feel sad thinking what’s the point if I can never be this good? How can I train my mind to think and believe that…that’s the whole point! I don’t have to be good. I read a great quote somewhere, ‘‘ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy''. So here’s hoping our naturally competitive souls learn to celebrate the beauty of wasting time....
